♕ |[25]| Where neither red, nor gold, nor wine, nor the rhythm of life is known.

[had_not_lived]

[Audio]

I didn't mean to go through. I was only trying to see if I could find Anne, and while I was looking in it's like it moved to swallow me up and.

[There's a pause here as Neil tries to collect himself. He's managing not to sniffle, but not even trying to hide how distraught he is.]

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't know I'd fall through.

I want to come back. Please. I don't want to be here.

Comments

voice;

[had_not_lived]

I'm. [Deep, shuddering breath. He's trembling, you can hear it in his tone.] I'm in my father's study. I'm okay. But I want to come back, I don't want to be here.

[Neil has no idea if Todd knows exactly what that means, where he is. He doesn't want to have to explain it.]

voice; 1/2

[mumbled_truth]

[The exact details were, honestly thankfully, never shared with the other boys. But there's something in Neil's tone that tells Todd more than he needs to know. And honestly, anything having to do with Neil's father...]

... I know. I--

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

[Pausing after a moment to switch that security setting, his voice comes back; shakier, not that it hadn't been already.]

Neil? ... I'm sorry.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

I never meant to fight with you, Todd, I swear, and I didn't want to go. I'm sorry, too.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

I didn't want to fight with you, either. I never wanted to, I--

I love you.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

[There's a long sigh. He's relieved, a little, though still terrified that they'll never see each other again.]

I love you, too. I didn't want to go-- I didn't want you to go-- I'd rather not exist than that.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

I never wanted to go-- I... I'd never want to leave you.

[He's holding himself together somehow, though his mirror of that fear is still evident in his tone.]

I know what he said, but... I couldn't risk it.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

I know. I--

[An uneasy pause.]

I want to be together. This isn't a good place, I don't wish you were here, but--

[Something's unraveling, a tense knot he's been in for weeks.]

I miss you.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

[There's a quiet sound; a soft, slow expulsion of breath as audible evidence of the slight measure of tension that's released.]

I miss you, too. I just want...

[There's a pause, awkward, as Todd tries to find a way to say this that doesn't make him sound ridiculous. Until he decides that he doesn't particularly care right now.]

I want to be with you. I don't care what's happening here, I just wanted to stay with you.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

[Neil would rather face the end of the world with Todd than eternity without him. But then, he's always been given to extremes. He laughs, a little giddy with fear and the relief of knowing Todd still loves him; and of course now it seems obvious.]

I really thought you were mad.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

[He manages a soft, short laugh at that, rather lacking in humor.]

I thought you were mad.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

I was just... tired. [Sigh.] I'm sorry.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

Yeah... I was, too.

[There's a slight pause as a thought occurs to him.]

Neil?

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

Yeah?

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

If you're still... I mean, I'm still...

[He hesitates, never liking to bring this topic up.]

You know.

You have to still be in the City, somehow.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

[He pauses for a long while.]

It seems that way, doesn't it? But I don't know how to get out of here.

I could try to break the door, or a window. But I'm not sure it would help.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

... well.

[He hesitates slightly, not wanting to seem like he's trying to tell Neil what to do.]

It wouldn't hurt, would it? I mean, the windows probably aren't a good idea, but the door...

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

...I don't know. I have no idea what's out there.

[He's kind of terrified, on principle. Blame the blood on the wall. He doesn't want to stay in the study, but who knows whether the rest of the house is in place.]

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

I know... it could be something worse. It could be nothing, and you could--

[Be gone? He won't finish that sentence, so he lets it drift away with a quiet sigh.]

It'll be okay... somehow, it will. Just... just keep talking to me. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.

[He's not holding the device quite as tightly as he'd like to be holding Neil-- he'd probably hurt himself if he were-- but he is clutching it close to him.]

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

I think... I think I'd rather stay here, at least for a little bit more.

[Here he can at least talk to Todd, which means that as bad as it is it could be worse. If he managed to get the door open and the real world was outside-- impossible as that seems-- he might lose that.]

I'll get back. Somehow. I promise.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

You will. I know you will. You have to.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

I'm sorry I'm an idiot.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

You're not an idiot.

voice; private

[had_not_lived]

I fell in. I should've been more careful.

I didn't mean to leave you alone.

voice; private

[mumbled_truth]

And I went after Rosella and got my heart stolen a couple of months ago. You're not any more of an idiot than I am.

...I know you didn't.