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[had_not_lived]

[nick / name]: Alms
[personal LJ name]: gossamerrain
[other characters currently played]:
☆ Brian Moser :: Dexter :: cold_dry_pieces
☆ Patera Silk :: Book of the Long Sun :: silk_for_calde
☆ Aziraphale :: Good Omens :: mr_phale
☆ Fox Mulder :: The X-Files :: call_me_spooky
☆ Allison Cameron :: House M.D. :: as_damaged


[series]: Dead Poets Society
[character]: Neil Perry
[character history / background]: wiki link for added context if needed~

Neil's life has never been entirely in his control. His father, striving to give his son the opportunities he couldn't dream of himself, has planned out Neil's whole life; the finest schooling, an Ivy League diploma, and a comfortable career as a doctor. Although his family isn't well off, they've done their best, sacrificing luxury for the sake of his destined future... Enrolled in and soon to graduate from the prestigious Welton Academy, finest prep school in the country, Neil is a model student, accustomed to meeting the hefty expectations of his instructors and his father. He puts his duties above his own preferences-- attending summer school to get ahead in Chemistry, dropping out of editing the School Annual when his father decides he's involved in too many extracurricular activities. Although he declares he 'doesn't give a damn about any of it,' Neil is prey to a deep distress-- torn between his desire to be a dutiful son, and the need to live his own life, to satisfy his own ambitions.
In his poetry class, taught by a new teacher, the unorthodox Mr. Keating, Neil is introduced to the notion of carpe diem, the idea that life is brief and we must make the most of it. Inspired by the concept, Neil begins to indulge his own interests and auditions for a nearby production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, confiding to his roommate that he's always wanted to try acting, but that his father forbade it. He tries out for and wins the role of Puck, and forges a letter of permission from his father, allowing him to perform.
When Mr. Perry learns of his son's defiance, he is livid, and insists that Neil immediately quit the play-- despite the fact that the performance is the next evening. Neil again defies him, telling everyone that his father has allowed him to stay with the play, and goes on as planned. Mr. Perry shows up unexpectedly during the performance, however, and drags Neil home as soon as it's over. He tells Neil that he won't allow his son to ruin his life-- and to that end, intends to withdraw him from Welton and have him placed in military school for the remainder of the term. He'll be forced back into the role that's been designed for him, no matter what. Unable to resign himself to a life of quiet desperation, obeying his father's wishes at the cost of his own dreams, Neil chooses to take his own life.

[character abilities]: ...acting skills? :3

[character personality]: Neil is passionate and energetic, traits which become more pronounced the more he begins to question his father's authority. He's prone to enthusiastic outbursts, and once his attention is captured, it's not easily swayed. This is evidenced by his refusal to quit the play, or by the way in which he makes a project out of his friend Todd, forcing the shy boy out of his shell, occasionally against his will.

He tends to be the leader among his group of friends-- convincing them all to join him in reforming the Dead Poets Society and running the meetings; consistently encouraging the others to be bold, to seize the day. This isn't to say, however, that he's any more serious than his friends-- Neil is prone to excitable shouting and horsing around when the mood strikes him.

Because he's young and from a rather sheltered background, Neil can be rather naive. He's been raised and educated to do as he's told, rather than to think for himself; as such things are rather black and white, with little room for compromise.

Neil often overreacts, impulsively letting his emotions overrule his better judgment. In some cases this is harmless-- such as the outburst he has when Todd points out the problems with his participation in the play. However, it is this tendency to be blinded by his feelings which ultimately leads to his death; he's unable to see past the prospect of his immediate situation to the fact that, sooner or later, he'll be free of his father's control.

[point in timeline you're picking your character from]: End of the movie, post-suicide. ;_;

[journal post]:
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world... For my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset...

I'm dead. I must be dead, I know. I don't know what I expected. Just... this... isn't it. Some kind of... judgment, I suppose, is the traditional image of the afterlife. I don't know, I never really cared about that kind of thing. As we're all food for worms...

So... what, now?

[third person / log sample]:
It was over. It was all over. In hindsight, he wasn't sure what he'd thought would happen-- how he could have kept this secret, prevented his father from finding out about the play. He'd thought there would be-- that there would at least be some time, that his defiance wouldn't come to light until it was done and over, til his father's anger at being deceived had faded.
Neil had never dreamed that his father would show up, driven by suspicion and his need to be certain of his son's compliance. He almost hadn't had the heart to go on-- almost missed his cue. As though that would have helped. But he'd gone on with it, made bold by passion, resolved to prove himself. Maybe seeing it, seeing the love and the effort and the effect of it, the magic of the stage, would make a difference; would sway the will that words could not touch. He'd thrown himself into it without reservation, speaking the words he'd practiced for weeks as though they were his own, half enthralled by his own performance. Feeling as though he wasn't wholly who he was; as though he were, or (at least,) could be some changeling creature, brilliant and preternatural; ancient and fleeting. He had forgotten his father, forgotten his classmates cheering and whooping in the audience each time he stepped on stage, silenced from time to time with a halfhearted hiss from one or the other. There was only the Midsummer night before him, composed of paint and paper, but--for a moment--as real in his eyes as the winter beyond the walls.
He'd come back to himself in the epilogue; speaking to all, not shattering his illusion, but asking pardon from one man alone. Give me your hands, if we be friends... and Robin will restore amends. He barely registered the roar of applause, the reaction, their reward for all the hard work they'd put into this; preoccupied with the question of whether he himself could 'scape the serpent's tongue.
And then it was finished-- the magic packed away into trunks and bags, faces wiped away to reveal more mundane, familiar visions; and they began to disperse. He took a breath, steeled himself for the inevitable, trying to summon back the strength of his decision before he faced his father. And not to yield.
He knew, as soon as their eyes met, that it had been in vain; that he would not be forgiven this. He followed as ordered, drawn back into reflexive, unhappy obedience, aching for a chance to make his case but rendered mute by duty, feeling as though each moment which passed in silence was an instant wasted, a step closer to submission. Inevitably, he'd be cowed-- would sacrifice himself to his father's plans. It was merely a matter of time, unless he made a stand.
He rode home in sullen silence, feeling the trap closing in around him.